who may claim a greater good?
by getclever
Summary: He'd called them necessary sacrifices. A death toll read as insurance figures. The detachment made it easier to be a villain. But Lex Luthor isn't a villain anymore, and the victims he now saves or fails to save are no longer faceless. [ bruce & lex, eventual clark/lex, cw for child abuse & ptsd ]


It was chaos. An attack directly on Metropolis with Lex in the center of it. But for once, he was not the cause. He wore the shield now. On the side of the angels. But there is always someone to try and shift the status quo back to where it belongs. Where one villain redeems, another tries to become the new Luthor. An attempt at claiming the title of top villain that made all of Metropolis' criminals quake. More daring, more destructive. A war between criminals to see who came out on top.

With civilians caught in the crossfire. Lex was first on the scene, building collapsing and people screaming- smoke, dust, explosions and gunfire. He made a frantic call to the League as he flew to catch some of the rubble. His city was being destroyed. His city's people were suffering. Did he stop the source, or protect the civilians? He couldn't do it alone, damnit! But for now, he was the only one present. There was a panicked crowd and he went to corral them to safety.

The League finally showed up, hardly breaking stride as they all jumped in to their tasks. Superman taking out the villain, the rest working on protecting civilians. This was so different from helping Wonder Woman provide aid or helping a sinking ship with Arthur. These were his people, his city. They were screaming and crying and _bleeding_ and there was only so much he could do to help. It was overwhelming. The guilt and suffocating feeling of uselessness both mingling together. But he was Luthor, he'd taught himself how to hide his emotions. To focus on one thing at a time.

Necessary sacrifices. That's what he'd called them, ages ago. For the good of all of humanity. The greater good outweighed the death. A few would suffer and die for the sake of people rising up against Superman. Up in his tower, there was a detachment that offset the guilt.

But here was a product of that mindset. Here was the chaos he'd ignored. Family screaming for each other. Bodies that weren't moving. People that were almost moving, life slowly leaving their eyes.

For each one he saved, a few more would suffer. It was triage. It was hell. Even with a team, they could only do so much. Better than doing nothing but still not enough.

And they had done this against him, once. No, more than once. The times he had put his jealousy and his schemes before his professed love for the good of the city. The numbers he had so coldly heard Mercy read him as he relished in some plan working perfectly. Those numbers had faces and blood and broken bones and family.

* * *

His suit was stained in blood and dust and ashes by the time they had stopped the destruction and the destroyer. He stood in the medbay in the Watchtower. The lights overhead were harsh and bright. Still standing where he'd first walked in the door and felt something inside of him give way. Emotions held back until the battle was over. Meant to be unpacked in the bedroom alone with a brandy. Not here with Superman asleep and Batman watching.

A single press of a button to take the green and purple armor off but it felt heavy and impossible. The metal was an anchor for a drifting self He was floating and watching the scene from ten feet away. Skin cold and clammy. Everything swimming and foggy and slow. Knowing was not the same as being able to free yourself from it's grip. Knees refused to bend, to let him sit down or lean against anything.

He saw a child from hours earlier curled up in a tight ball with rubble almost crushing him. Lex had gotten to him in time, but how many had he not managed to save? Distantly, the life support in his suit started blinking at him. Yelling that his breathing and pulse were irregular. _You idiotic machine._

He tried to push it away, to think of anything else. Just enough to get the suit off so he could stop looking at the blood. He was a Luthor. The master of shuttering emotions away. But this was all-encompassing. It refused to be stuffed behind some wall and forgotten. So strange, because he could learn from it yet it was traumatic. Something in his morality was shifting, pushing him further towards the light. But in seeing more light, he could feel his emotional walls falling away. There had to be a balance struck somewhere, right?

Batman was walking up to him and away from him all at once. The sudden shifts in point of view was... simply hell.

"Luthor." A hand on his shoulder broke him from his thoughts. Batman stood there, his expression unreadable as always. They were teammates, but Bruce still refused to fully trust Lex. Understandable, he was a monster- look at all the suffering that he'd caused! "_Luthor_." Black-gloved fingers snapped in his face. "Where are you right now?" The man asked in a voice more comforting than Lex expected from Batman. At least, not when talking to Luthor.

Lex's face curled into an angry sneer, looking hurt and ready to lash out if Bruce wasn't careful. "The medbay in the Watchtower." His lip twitched, eyes still unfocused.

Bruce sighed, no doubt cursing his luck for having to handle this problem. But instead of backing away, he stayed there. Staring Lex down. "You're not. You're dissociating. Where is your mind?" He was getting psychoanalyzed by goddamn Batman.

Where _was_ his mind?

He'd hurt so many people in his rampages hadn't he? He was still vaguely floating in the distance, but only five feet away instead of ten. Better. He grit his teeth, trying to pull himself together. "He stole my old earthquake machines, didn't he? Should have... destroyed my weapons." A shrug- finally, he could move under his own power. He laughed again, but it came out less bitter and more strained, aching.

"Yeah, you should have. But the damage is done. You saved people today." Bruce moved his hand out of Lex's tunnel vision and put a stool in front of him. A hard press on his shoulder helped him sit down.

"Not enough. Those were my machines. Even if they weren't, I've caused that level of destruction and worse."_ In the past,_ he wanted to add. But it felt hollow, since it wasn't even that long ago. Months at best. "I told myself I was a hero. I told myself it was fine if a few died to help humanity. I made the choice for them. I had to do it again today. But they weren't numbers." He looked at his hands. "I had to look into their faces and decide who to save."

Bruce was quiet for a moment. He pulled his cowl off and ran a hand through his hair. It didn't matter, Luthor knew who he was anyway. "You will always fail to save someone. All of us do. It's a weight we have to carry. Fight harder to save more next time."

Lex nodded. Were he a lesser man, he would cry. He would be short of breath and weak and pitiful. But he simply did his best to push it away.

He reached for his wrist, pushing the button to send the suit back to the case. The blood and ash were gone. Ghosts still lingered, clawing at his arms and nipping at his ankles.

His heart was racing. A tightness in his chest that felt like a sob, something long-forgotten since his childhood. Carefully dissected out of him with so many other feelings as he clawed his way to the top of the business world and then the criminal ranks. He'd grown cold, to preserve his sanity and to help aid in his endeavors. "So many lives have been destroyed because I-"

"Stop wallowing in your guilt, goddamnit." Bruce shook him. "You were a horrible, terrible person. You killed countless people. Your name still sends children running scared. How can you fix things? By working with the team. By continuing to help people and heal the damage you've caused." The words were harsh. A lecture but not quite angry. Comforting, almost.

It worked, that was the thing. They were both stubborn as hell. The lecture got through to him where Superman's tiptoeing around probably wouldn't. The medbay was silent. Lex was letting it sink it. Bruce was right.

Guilt, protective instincts, support. Those were things he hadn't had for most of his life. It was a change of pace. New emotions welling up as he was forced into more human situations.

But he couldn't let it hinder his progress. Couldn't shy away from those feelings and shut down. He was Luthor, he fought and grit his teeth and survived anything. He could survive these new connections to humanity that both bound and freed him. He could survive the impact of the fall from his ivory tower. He could let himself feel things. Let them wash over him, leave him broken but then pick up the pieces. Fight. He could fix his mistakes by moving forward.

Bruce let him simply sit there in silence. Pointedly ignored that Lex's breathing was slightly uneven. It was a kind gesture. Lex wasn't used to long silences, much less ones where he was so weak that he could hardly breathe. Always a showman, demanding attention and ego and dramatic speeches. But this he needed to ponder and process. And Batman of all people understood how much silence was sometimes necessary.

"That's an interesting life philosophy." Lex finally broke the silence. "Though, I'm surprised to see Batman of all people lecturing me on how to handle guilt."

Bruce gave a little half-smile. "I've had plenty of time to wrestle with mine."

Lex stood up sharply, eager to remove himself from this scene. He could let himself feel things but not yet. He wasn't quite ready yet. Into that tiny box once again. Let them out slowly, in private. To let himself be weak without onlookers. Now that he was in his right mind, he could already feel the shame setting in. Before he could come up with some excuse, Bruce's hand was on his shoulder again.

"You're on our team now. If you don't keep your head on straight, you can't help us effectively. If you need to talk..."

A cruel laugh, making up for his earlier weakness. "As appealing as therapy with Batman sounds, Bruce, I'm fine. I don't need your help."

Bruce gripped his shoulder harder. "It took me a while to learn to work in a team. To trust others. Our situations aren't the same. You have far more to make up for. But you are _on_ this team now. Talking to us would be a good way to show that you're on our side."

"I could be using this as a trick. Some long game to get inside all of your heads." Lex countered, shaking the hand off.

"I'm well aware. But you're on the team now. Take advantage of it. This isn't the Legion. We look out for each other."

"Even if you don't trust me?" Lex's expression didn't change, but his voice grew a bit less harsh. "Thank you for the offer. I'll let you know if I feel like talking about all my terrible Freudian reasons for killing innocent people. Supervillain, remember?" The bristling and pushing away any offers of help was reflexive at this point. That scared kid again, waiting for any attempts at help to abandon him and leave him on his own. The ultimate self made man.

"We don't trust you yet, you're right. But you can change that. You know where to find me if you need to talk." Bruce offered again. A simple standing of ground. "As a founding member. It's my job to help new recruits when they get stressed. Unless you want Superman coming to check on you." He smirked and crossed his arms.

Lex enjoyed it, Bruce being stubborn against Lex's own stubborn nature. They clashed as well as they helped each other. Or rather, Bruce was offering to help Lex adjust to heroics. "Fine. I'll track you down next time I'm having a bad dream." He smirked but it had _finally_ hit home. He'd go to Bruce next time he needed to talk. That was actually... reasonable.

"Keep working with the team. Even when it gets rough. This was hard on all of us. It always is." And Bruce turned and walked away. His point had been made, apparently. You're dismissed- that was how Batman always operated around Lex. He hated not being in charge. Sure, the Legion had been distant, but he was in charge of something. Working towards a purpose. Going from grand schemes to small acts of heroism was whiplash in more than one way.

There wasn't a long game here. He honestly didn't have one. He had reached a point where he did earnestly want to stay with the League, but was growing frustrated with the lack of trust everyone seemed to have. Aside from Batman, but if the relationship was enemies being kept closer or some deranged pet project, Lex could only wait it out and see. And decide if he wanted to play along with Bruce's ploy or not.

Lex looked at Superman lying under the solar lamps. "You'd better not mention what you heard to anyone." And he turned out of the room, eager to wash the ache in his bones and the chaos of an hour ago.


End file.
